Healing Him Read online

  What is this man doing to me?

  He nods and his whole body seems to join in the movement. “Yep.” The act makes me smile. During the night, I’ve noticed something curious about Ryan and his body language. It’s as though, compared to another person, it takes immense effort for him to keep control of himself or, more accurately, his body. With a few drinks in his system, there seems to be a loosening of his otherwise held-in-check behaviour. Still, although he’s letting go, he’s not relaxed. The idea of seeing this man in total relaxation mode intrigues me. He releases my arm, seemingly surprised at his own move to touch me.

  I run my thumb over my bottom lip before taking a deep breath. “I need some fresh air. Come with me.” It’s not a question, but a demand.

  Ryan’s eyes are on my mouth as he nods. “Okay.”

  Making our way over to the balcony, we discard our shot glasses on a nearby table. With one hand in my pocket, I use the other to open the door and let him stride out first. Aside from a couple over to the left, there’s no one else outside. Ryan steps to the right and leans over the railing. Thousands of lights, and the many buildings, make up an amazing city view. As I stand behind Ryan, he sighs quietly. “God, I’ve missed Perth.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah,” he says, leaning back against the railing, his eyes on me. He folds those impressive arms over his chest and licks his lips. “You don’t like it here?”

  “I love it here.” I raise my hands to run them through my hair. When his eyes linger on my biceps and it makes my heart flutter, I know it’s his approval I’m seeking. By the hungry look in his eyes, I’ve found it. He’s attracted to me.

  “Your eyes are like blue topaz.”

  His words make me smile. “Are they now?” I chuckle. “This is a good thing?”

  Ryan simply nods. “So,” he says quietly. “You have any other tattoos?”

  Aware that, although he seems interested, I’m taking a risk at being rejected, I step forward and place a hand on either side of him on the railing. Cornering him. “Yes,” I reply. He swallows thickly at our close contact, and once again my focus is glued to his beautiful neck. “I have a pride flag between my shoulder blades and the words Born this way . I got it with Trey and Travis. They both have one as well. Trey’s is on the left shoulder blade, and Travis on the right. Do you have any tattoos, Ryan?”

  At my proximity, his arms drop and he shudders. He’s nervous. No. As I lean closer, our bodies align and I feel him. He’s hard. If he likes this, why is he freezing up? It’s as if controlling his body is a struggle. “No.” The defensive vibe I’m getting from him is interesting.

  Ryan’s eyes won’t meet mine. “Henry?”

  “Yes?”

  “W-what are you doing?”

  I sigh and move in closer, unable to stay away from this man. The need for him to know I’m interested is overwhelming. “Pressing up against you. I don’t know about you, Ryan, but you… intrigue me. You’re incredibly hot.”

  “I am?” He blinks. Vulnerability fills his eyes as his body struggles for control. Of his actions? Of his emotions? It’s hard to tell.

  “You know you are.”

  Ryan shakes his head. “No I… I don’t know that.” He’s being genuine. I can see his honest surprise. How can he be shocked by hearing this? He must be told how good-looking he is on a daily basis.

  “Okay,” I allow.

  He frowns and licks his lips. “Um, Henry? You should know… I’m not…. I mean, you really seem like the kind of guy who likes control.”

  A grin forms on my face. Perceptive. You have no idea, boy. “I am.”

  “Well… so am I.”

  “Oh really?” For some reason, a part of me wants him to prove it. To test him. I don’t know why, but I follow through. “Are you sure about that, Ryan? Because when I look at you, I see someone who wants to give up control. But you don’t let yourself. Why?” I place a hand behind his head and lean forward to whisper into his ear, “You love the cock, don’t you?” Sliding my right hand down his hard, wide chest, I grin. “And all you can think about is when you can ride my dick.” At the last word, I reach his groin and palm him through his jeans.

  Ryan gasps and I know I’m right. He’s a bottom. He loves being taken. For a moment, I wonder how he’d react if I ever told him I’m a Dom.

  Because of my surety, it throws me for a loop when he grasps my hand and yanks me over to the corner. Before I know what’s happening, the man has me up against the brick wall. As he holds my arms above my head, Ryan growls, “I take control. No one else.” He moves between my legs and presses our groins together. He’s full of nervous energy, but being manhandled has never felt so good. My body doesn’t complain at the idea of Ryan taking control, but my mind does. I’m the Dom. I demand control. He thrusts his hips forward. Pushed against the wall with our hard-ons pressing together, it makes me shudder. “Fuck,” I pant. I want this man. His neck is right there . Powerless to stop myself, I latch onto it with my mouth. Sucking his skin for all I’m worth, I run my mouth up to his ear. “I want you,” I breathe. I don’t care about anything else. In this moment, I want this man, and that’s all there is to it.

  Still keeping my hands hostage, Ryan groans and nudges my head with his. Smashing his lips to mine, Ryan meets no resistance as he slides his tongue into my mouth. He tastes like tequila, lemon, and salt. Plus, something else altogether Ryan . All I can focus on is warmth . Against my cock, around my wrists, all over my body, and especially in my mouth. The man is everywhere. Pressing me against the wall, he’s everywhere. I like the way our bodies feel together, but I want to be where he is. I want control. As I open my eyes, something captures my attention. I see Trey heading back inside and realise he must’ve seen us. Pushing Ryan back gently with my hips, I curse. “Shit. I think Trey just saw us.” I don’t want to stop making out with him, but things need to be explained before we can continue. Everyone needs to know Sean and I aren’t together anymore. Especially Ryan. Maybe he’s forgotten, but I’m certain when he remembers I came with someone, guilt will eat at him. I also need to tell Ryan if we do continue this, I’ll be calling the shots.

  “Oh.” He wipes his mouth and suddenly glares at me. “Wait. That Sean guy. Aren’t you with him?” Apart from the anger, there’s regret in his eyes. Shit.

  I’m about to tell him yes, but it’ll just confuse him. Although we came together and made everyone think we were still an item, we’re not. “Let’s go inside,” I tell him.

  Ryan needs to know I am not the cheating type. Back inside, I’m adjusting my hard-on when I catch Sean’s eye. The minute he realises what must’ve happened between me and Ryan, his face crumbles and my heart races. Why does he look so upset? We’d spoken about this.

  As he starts to rush off, remorse slams into me and I chase after him. “Sean!”

  Chapter Two

  “Sean!” I yell again. When I’ve run out of other options, I call out, “Pet!” Just before he reaches the door, he stops and turns around. He wipes his eyes roughly. “Hey,” I say softly, rubbing his arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made a move on anyone. It was my whole idea to keep this quiet tonight, and I’m so grateful you did this for me. If you’re embarrassed or hurt, I’m really sorry.”

  Sean scowls. “You’re the one who didn’t want to tell them tonight.”

  I nod, irritated at myself but still finding it hard to regret the hasty make-out session with Ryan. “I know. I’m really sorry, Sean. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  He huffs before letting a whine escape. “There was a really hot guy earlier, and I didn’t chat him up, because you wanted to wait to tell them.”

  “Fuck,” I reply. “Is he still here?”

  Sean scoffs. “I don’t know.”

  “Sean, I’m sorry.” I fold my arms over my chest and duck down to try to meet his eye level. “You looked upset. You’re not… jealous, are you?”

  He shakes his head. “Not really. It was weir
d seeing you with someone else at first, and I think a part of me realised we were really over, but I’m not jealous. No offence, but I’m most upset you got to hook up with someone and I’ve probably missed out.”

  I bring him in for a hug. “I am sorry.”

  After a moment, he pushes me back with a laugh. “Okay, stop apologising. Why don’t we go back and tell them we’re good?”

  “Okay. Thank you.” I shake my head as we turn around. “Now I feel like an idiot. I should’ve just told them before tonight.”

  “Yeah.” He shrugs. “You are an idiot.”

  “Hey!” The man’s lucky he’s not under my care anymore or it would’ve earnt him a spanking. I ruffle his hair, and he mock punches me as we return to the group. My eyes search for Ryan, and I watch him as he sees Sean and I have made up.

  He turns to David. “Hey, man, I’m gonna go.”

  “No!” I blurt. He can’t leave before I get the chance to speak to him. “Wait, um….” Everyone stares at me. Trey, David, Travis, Sean, and Ryan. I meet Trey’s eyes. “Sean and I are just friends now.” At the sound of Ryan’s gasp, I glance over to see his horrified expression before focusing back on Trey and David. “We wanted to wait to tell you guys, because tonight’s about you and meeting Ryan. But last night, we decided we’re going to be friends.”

  Sean shrugs. “I was just annoyed. There was a hot guy earlier I wanted to talk to, but Henry wanted to keep quiet tonight.”

  Trey and Ryan seem to sigh in relief, and I clear my throat. “Yeah, I didn’t want you guys to worry, so I didn’t want to say anything until after tonight. But…” My eyes find Ryan. “I figured you should all be up to date given the circumstances.”

  David frowns. “What circumstances?”

  “Um….” The circumstance where I want to dominate, fuck, and possess your best friend and I hope the feeling is mutual?

  Trey saves me. “Well, we are in a gay bar,” he tells his fiancé. “There’s a good probability either Henry or Sean or both of them will find someone to hook up with tonight. I suppose, because of this, they wanted to clear the air?”

  I give my brother a grateful smile. “Yeah, something like that.”

  David winks. “Ah.”

  Everyone ambles off in different directions, and Ryan heads to the bar. I follow after him. He orders a water and I do the same. When I’m facing him, I lean my elbow on the bar. “Ryan—”

  He interrupts me with his hand in mid-air. “Henry, it’s okay. You don’t need to say anything.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “I needed to say I’m sorry if you thought for a moment you helped me cheat. And I just wanted to say, if we were to get together, I am single.” At his silence, I plunge ahead. “And interested.” Ryan licks his lips. “Very interested.” I realise I should probably be thinking more clearly when it comes to pursuing Ryan. He’s my soon-to-be brother-in-law’s best friend. If anything happened, it could make things awkward for everyone involved. But I can’t help it. He intrigues me more than anyone I’ve ever met. I’m completely powerless against this desire I have for him.

  He has a long gulp of his drink before facing me. “Look, Henry, I think you’re really hot and cool. You seem like a good guy, and Trey and David only have nice things to say about you.”

  My eyebrow cocks up. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

  Ryan meets my eyes. “You seem great, but I’m… not interested. In anyone.”

  “I see.” Sure seemed interested out on the balcony.

  He sighs and lowers his gaze. “I got caught up in the moment before. I’m not looking for a relationship, or even something casual at the moment, you know? I’m sorry if what happened out there misled you. I got carried away. I just need to focus on myself right now. Especially after moving here, but more importantly....” Ryan thinks for a moment, and I let him. “I just got out of a… something. A bad one. And I can’t even consider entering into any kind of relationship so soon.” His jaw drops as he realises what he’s said, and he beseeches me, “Please don’t tell David. I don’t want him worrying over me.”

  Well, I hardly know you and I’m worried . When he mentioned a previous connection, why did he hesitate and not use the word “relationship?” Was it so bad he couldn’t call it that? His words and behaviour suddenly give me an unexpected and unlikely impression. Could I have been correct in the beginning? Does Ryan love to give up control? Would he excel at being dominated? Is Ryan possibly projecting this hard, strong façade, when in fact he’s a submissive?

  Determined to find out, I smile and hold my hands up. “I won’t say anything. And I get it, fair enough. If you ever need to talk, I’ll listen. We hardly know each other, but we might have more in common than you think.”

  Ryan chuckles darkly and bites his lip. There’s hurt in his eyes. “I doubt it.”

  I shrug. “Maybe you’d be surprised. Anyway, since we’ll probably see each other a lot, I’m here if you need me.” Tossing back my water, and without looking at him, I say, “Finish your drink.”

  He doesn’t hesitate.

  Ryan lifts his glass and drinks the rest of his water without a thought. Once he’s placed it back down, I praise him, only loud enough for Ryan to hear. “Good boy.”

  Luxuriating in the way he sighs in pleasure, I stare at his lips. Ryan hasn’t said a thing, but I have my answer. He turns to me with wide eyes, no doubt realising what I said and his reaction. Moving my left hand slowly to his cheek, I give him the option to stop me if he wants to. When he doesn’t, my palm holds the side of his face and I move my lips to his other ear to whisper. “You’re a submissive.”

  Ryan shivers.

  With my left hand now on his nape, I slide my right one over his chest. His heart rapidly beats against it. It’s his only normal reaction. After his status becomes clear, he’s no longer hard. And by the pale face, shallow breathing, and wide eyes? He’s clearly frightened. No, Ryan is terrified .

  Now I’m worried.

  “You’re scared.” I lower my voice. “Ryan?”

  “Let me go.”

  His words are soft. But they’re there. It leads me to unsavoury assumptions. This man has been hurt. Abused. He’s scared of me now. Ever since he found out what I am. Aware of our surroundings, I don’t want Ryan to say something loud enough for my brothers to hear.

  Moving my hands to rest softly on his shoulders, I stare into his eyes. “Let’s go somewhere to talk.”

  “No!” he blurts, trembling.

  I know he’s frightened. Even… traumatised. But he has to understand the situation we’re in, and the only way for him to feel safe might be to give up control. “Ryan. Listen to me carefully. I’m not going to hurt you. There’s a couch in the corner to your right. Be a good boy, go there, and sit down for me.”

  When his eyes flick up to mine, there’re unshed tears. His instinct is to obey me, but his very instinct frightens him. The poor man is so conflicted.

  “Go.” My voice is gentle as I nod over to the quiet area.

  He concedes, striding over, and I sit closely beside him. Luckily, there’s no one close by, but I keep my voice down. “Let’s get a couple of things out in the open.” Spreading my arm along the back of the furniture, I focus entirely on Ryan. He gazes at the floor. “You’re a submissive, and I’m a Dominant.”

  He scoffs and meets my eyes. “No shit.” My cocked brow makes him swallow. He breathes deeply to calm himself down. “Sorry.”

  “My brothers don’t know,” I tell him. “Can I assume David is unaware as well?”

  Ryan nods. “Yeah.”

  “Okay.” Now we’re on the same page. This part of our lives is a secret. Breathing deeply, I take a moment. The urge to ask him about his reaction, to find out why he’s so terrified, is almost too much. I don’t know this man, and he doesn’t know me. But in the end, I accept that I’d like it even more if Ryan came to me. When he’s ready.

  While I’m quiet, Ryan checks me out. Perhaps assessing me under
this new light. Not Henry, David’s fiancé’s brother. Henry the Dom. As we sit there silently, slowly, the tension emanating from him decreases and he takes a deep breath.

  “We couldn’t have worked out anyway,” he insists weakly. I’m not sure who he’s trying to convince. “I’m… not a sub anymore. And… I don’t bottom.”

  Gazing at him, I get the feeling it’s not that he doesn’t, but more so he can’t bottom. Someone hurt him and now it’s a hard limit. Letting him watch as I unashamedly run my eyes up and down his body, I finally focus on his mouth. This man has me desiring all sorts of new things. I choose not to focus on his initial reaction, but to reiterate my attraction to him. “I’m not so sure. It could’ve been good fun, tying you up and swallowing your cock. Or ordering you to take me inside your mouth. Demanding you swallow my release, only to kiss you and taste myself on your tongue.” Ignoring his shiver, I shrug. “Everyone has their hard limits, Ryan. Aside from taking you, there are so many other ways I can pleasure you.”

  With that parting comment, I stand and give his wide-eyed and slack-jawed expression a wink before heading for the men’s. I’ve made my point. Although he says he doesn’t want to be with anyone, especially a Dom, I want Ryan. I want him in my bed. And the idea I might not ever fuck him doesn’t bother me. I want to dominate and possess him in every way I can.

  No matter what it takes, or how long, I’m going to own Ryan Scott.

  * * *

  Three weeks after meeting Ryan, I start to feel disheartened. After the first week, I slowly embraced being single again, but it’s taken a bit of getting used to. It was nice having someone for company, submission, or sex. What Sean and I had was nice. It was comfortable. If I’m interested in someone, I usually do the chasing. But with Ryan, I know I need to be careful. I’d hoped the way things ended between us would result in him making a move. Even if it was the smallest hint of a sign he was interested, I would’ve taken it and gone after him. Unfortunately, he hasn’t, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.